Sam Fuld and Cubs hope July is better than June

As June turns into July, there are absolutes to the cadance of every baseball season. The Red Sox will be one of the best teams–Tuesday night notwithstanding…holy Dewey Evans!–another ‘roider will roll up on a heckler, and the Cubs will be making news for every other reason except for winning a World Series. Can someone get Ron Santo a Mars bar, please?

Just completing a 12-14 month, the Cubs enter July with a laundry list of ailments not even Michael Jackson’s doctor could prescribe medication for. I am not a, ahem, licensed physician trained to protect the best interests of my patients. No, I am a blogger, trained to spout off on sports topics rattling around in my brain. Today, it’s what ills the Cubs. Here are 5 ideas that if implemented, can get the Cubs back on track-

1. Aramis Ramirez chops wood like Joe Mauer. Great piece by Tom Verducci in last week’s Sports Illustrated on Twins catcher Joe Mauer. It appears Mauer’s therapy from baseball life is simple– retreating to a log cabin in the upper woods of Minnesota, riding a tractor and listening to hooting owls at night. Missing the first month of the season, Mauer is hitting over .400 since May. Now, I would be stunned of A-Ram spends his downtime sniffing the morning scent of freshly cut grass, but if helps him come off the DL firing, hand him an axe.

2. Jeff Samardijza finds an out pitch. Just back from his Des Moines exile, the bonus baby was supposed to be working on a 3rd pitch to compliment a fastball and change up. If he can get guys out this time up, he becomes a 7th inning option, or if Carlos Marmol continues to struggle, an 8th inning guy. Either way, taking endess bus trips through back roads in Iowa vs sleeping in luxury hotels should motivate Samardijza to figure it out.

3. Milton Bradley hits like Milton Bradley. You know I had to get a Bradley reference in this post, for no other reason than SEO. His keyword is killing it right now on Google! Honestly, Bradley’s lifetime numbers are worthy of the $10 million per year contract the Cubs gave him–.370 OBP, .452 SLG, .821 OPS. I perfect number two guy once A-Ram comes back. Bradley’s clubhouse confrontation with Lou Pinella may be a blessing, if it means his teammates will start paying attention to the mercurial, moody guy. If it makes him hit better, Soriano should take him out to Cold Stone Creamery after every home game, where they can look deeply into each other’s eyes and talk about life, loves and, well, what else is there?

4. Starting pitching doesn’t need to get better, just deeper. Although the Cubs starters are amongst the best in MLB in terms of quality starts, this is deceiving. Quality starts if one of the biggest crock stats in the game, drummed up by entrepreneurial agents like Scott Boras to get fatter contracts for clients. Ryan Dempster goes 6 innings, gives up 7 hits and 3 earned runs. This is considered quality? Yes, in the mediocrity soaked world of professional sports. It’s not the 7 hits or 3 runs that are the problem, but the 6 innings. An extra inning thrown consistenly by Cubs starters means less exposure to the abyss that is their bullpen. Eventually someone from the Marmol, Samardijza, Guzman mix will rise up and seize the 8th inning. The more often they have a lead to protect in the 8th, the more margin for error they give to Kevin Gregg, who can be effective when handed a 2 or 3-run save opportunity in the 9th.

5. This is more of a suggestion for fans–dieting. If you can’t stomach what you’re watching, then take the lead from one Cubs fan and eat less.

These are obviously not sure-fire cures. Although the Cubs are having a bad month, they aren’t suffering as much as this ball boy:

You want a piece of me, Milton? Huh?

What is your idea for fixing the Cubs? Is A-Ram’s return the answer? Send us your tweets @BTsports.

Jon Kerr is a co-editor of Breaking Tweets Sports. You can follow him on Twitter at @enlightnedmedia.

Other sources: SBNation, AOL, BleacherReport

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